39. Still Me

The most difficult part of cancer is telling people! At first, I feel like I am putting a burden on their hearts, that I am causing pain. Certainly “I” am not doing it.

When I enter and exit the house repeatedly, like when gardening or bringing in groceries, Leo (the dog) barks EVERY time.  Every is an exaggeration, 90% of the time.

And every time I say “Still me, always me”.

Today Shannon called.  It is obviously difficult for everyone to make the first contact after getting “the cancer diagnosis information”.  I can hear it in voices and see it in typed words.  But I am still me, always me.  As we talked, I felt her relaxation and realization.  It’s happened with each of you.  Shock.  Then silence.  Then a path to acceptance that may be a long project of self inquiry.

The most difficult part of cancer is telling people!  At first, I feel like I am putting a burden on their hearts, that I am causing pain.  Certainly “I” am not doing it.  It’s hard though.  With a magic wand, I would convey the information all at once so that there was a quick, complete picture.  People would see the whole thing all at once. 

man in white button up shirt

With a magic wand, I would convey the information all at once so that there was a complete picture.

They would get that:

*I am okay and accepting my journey.  I am actually living a graced and wonderful life, right now, always.

*The interplay with their own path is obvious, and that each has her/his own stuff to do around this.  You get to embrace growth here too.  It’s not just me. 

*If we never speak again, that it is totally cool… but I don’t want to exit without reminding you that I love you and have immense gratitude for the moments we have shared

*The biggest gift anyone can give me (because everyone asks) is positive thought or prayer, and focus on one’s own connection to Eternality.  You heal me by healing you.  Love it.

Magic words.  Swish of the wand.  All of it sinks in in one clear, easy moment.

Author: Michele Plumb Stowell

Michele Stowell was a teacher, a hand holder, and encouraging voice. Born an early Gen Xer, she has lived in Western Washington for the duration. Her children, two spectacular genetic daughters and an uncountable number of marvelous scout and school sons and daughters, shine as her biggest impact and her greatest blessing. Just before her 54th birthday, Michele was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Her writing and art work are expressions of the drama and the joy of living earth bound. On October 24, 2021, Michele was released from her physical body, transported to continue her work on other realms.

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