Today I was talking about my wound. The surgeon changed the packing schedule. Although a lot of things have healed for me, the main surgical opening still has a gap that might be ¾ inch long, and more like three or four inches deep. It drains fluids. And it is not healing quickly, or perhaps not healing at all.
They changed to packing it with gauze tape twice a day. It was always getting packed. For two weeks it has been filled every other day with a silver laden tape that repels infection, but it isn’t drying out. So the tape is different now, and the schedule is twice a day.
For me, packing hurts. It doesn’t hurt a little. It hurts to black out level. And the pain hangs around for eight to ten hours after the wound is packed. I was describing this to Shante. I said “it is stinging”. Later I went on to say “it is like there is a knife lodged in the wound, and it sends shooting pain when certain movements are made”. Shante said, “Mom, that is not stinging”.
It IS actually stinging; it stings a lot! But maybe the word isn’t strong enough, doesn’t convey the impact. When I pack the wound, the sensation does not stop much before it is packed again, if it stops it at all. I am back on Tylenol, and considering trying something stronger… because of packing. It reminds me of the MRSA.
So, the body has pain. It warns me with pain. It talks to me of transition and healing and world change.
Amisha and I have had many conversations that look at this from varying angles. Pain is a body thing. But memory of pain, or the way I experience the pain, is mental or spiritual, or a combination of the two. What is opening here for healing? (Puns… There is an opening in my abdomen. Physical healing is necessary.) Are there people in my lineage that endured great pain that need me to resolve it? Do I have historical work from my own wounding that has come up again for higher resolution?
2020 is a year of valiant works. We are all doing incredible healing work, world changing work. I have incredible gratitude for all of your contributions. And I know that they hurt. I am so thankful for the process that is unfolding within me. I pray for all of us, that we endure the stinging, and get to the other side, to insight.
micheleplumbstowell.org 