Amber is inside my head. Three days in a row, the themes have knocked me on my… Anyway, when I face Receptivity, I face one of my greatest challenges.
The long lived family story portrays me as a new toddler. “I can do it myself.” It was worse than that, I could do it myself, and there was no stopping me from directing everyone else in the right way to play out their lives as well. The story goes, “It was easier to go along with it, forever.”
When I completed the Flag Page (Mark Gungor), and read the online results of the personal analysis, I shifted. The precocious, bossy, overpowering toddler that lives with my everyday actions does not want control. I score very low in that area of the Flag Page. The toddler wants perfection, and has the gift of seeing it clearly and knowing how to get there.
It is Divine. None of you who live with the negatives of that expression will think it is very Divine, but it is a full expression of the Eternal, working its way toward Perfection. Ease, peace, simplicity, flow, world compassion and kindness, and so much more. They all hide behind the Perfectionism, when done “right”.
Somewhere in all of that, there has to be Receptivity. So much to receive, so little time.
Care, oh how I have been forced to receive care. I have a medical team that could cover a soccer field. Surgery. Wound visits. Chemotherapy. Palliative visits. Acupuncture. Naturopathic Oncology. Always people caring for me, working to help. Mentally, it would be better to receive graciously, rather than feel forced. I have come a long way.
Support. I have been so blessed with receiving support from my world. It comes from the most human of places. Dad’s house. The financial cooperation with costs from the kids and Kwami. Community. All of the people who reach out and engage, who treat me as alive. Family love, and everything they do. All of the driving and behind the scenes emotional and physical support Kwami is. Amisha and Reiki. This is a list that includes all of you, and a vast ocean of receiving. All of your love and checking in and listening.
There were challenging words on my “receive list”. I told God that I was willing to receive a list of the hard stuff. Hope, healing, guidance, knowing, touch, quiet, joy. Listening. Help. Emergence and grace, of course.
This is hard. This shouldn’t be hard. One deep breath at a time. I am receptive to seeing, feeling and knowing that I can receive and am receptive.
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