164. Situational Interpretations

I am choosing the way I interpret the signs. Or, maybe I am just watching. The body is separate from the mind. The mind is separate from the watching. My perception checks the angles. I don’t want to control the path. I just want to see and experience the journey. The body is not at war with the cancer. It is cooperating with the chemotherapy.

I woke up several times.  It seems like a pattern in the first half of a chemo cycle.  When I am asleep, and then not, I perceive more directly.  I feel the bubbling, tingling sensation running through my abdomen, a tightness in my lower back and intestines, that neuropathy is oddly down the center segments of my fingers rather than at the ends. 

Cycle 4, Day 5.  I am choosing the way I interpret the signs.  Or, maybe I am just watching.  The body is separate from the mind.  The mind is separate from the watching.  My perception checks the angles.  I don’t want to control the path.  I just want to see and experience the journey.  The body is not at war with the cancer.  It is cooperating with the chemotherapy.

In the last dream of the night, there was a baby opossum nested in the hair behind my neck.  I was busy, and figured I would deal with that later.  I was talking to someone about hair dye, and walked out the back door into the dark to grab the bleaching kit, then turned to see that the door locked.  Someone zipped by on a bicycle, and I felt tension, a threat, but it was gone as quickly as the bike moved.  I fumbled with a key, and opened the outer door into a glass sided mudroom.  The space was closing in, Wonderland style, but I moved through it, into the house.

A woman opening a door with a key.
“I fumbled with a key, and opened the outer door”

I figure the Eternal knows where to lead us for dream interpretation.  I have a book that makes me laugh as often as it actually helps. The quick bottom line:  I feel threatened by something that I am going through, but it passes quickly.  I am moving through a tight spot, but not stuck there.  I have the key.  There is something (something?) that is a deception, but will clear, and shift color.  

Well, for that last line, I wasn’t going to bleach the possum, but that seems related none the less.

I am choosing my interpretations.  It does seem strange, like a side line to manifestation without the directive nature of control.  The mind is not fond of it.  But the noticing seems more “in tune”… like there is less pressure and more merging with the Whole.  Like opening the eyes, then opening them again.

139. The Last Dance

I woke up. Obviously, my thoughts jumped to Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who died yesterday. “An amazing woman who lived an amazing life”, I was so proud of the President in that one moment, when he spoke relevant and truthful words.

My morning dream was culminating with a dance.  There was an old woman in a sparkling gown.  A lifelong friend, she asked me to watch an act of crescendo.  There were so many people in the house, and so much distraction.  I made my way to the bedroom.  If she joined me, we would have some space and privacy.

The room filled with people, all women of various ages, chattering, bubbling, sitting on the bed and floor.  So much for privacy.  She slinked through the door with Hollywood drama, introducing her dance.  Exotic birds flew toward her from the shoulder of an onlooker.  

She was speaking of being witnessed.  Her voice elevated, she called out, “You were born when I was young, and have seen the epic moments of my entire life.” It was a long, gracious and powerful existence.  

And then the dance began.

I woke up.  Obviously, my thoughts jumped to Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who died yesterday.  “An amazing woman who lived an amazing life”, I was so proud of the President in that one moment, when he spoke relevant and truthful words.

“An amazing woman who lived an amazing life”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg born March 15, 1933 died September 18, 2020.

The woman in the sparkling gown represents different people to each of us.  And we appreciate each moment “she” shares!

116 Three Months Since the Colon Surgery

And then there was miraculous chemotherapy; thank you Dr. Wilfong. And miraculous naturopathic oncology; thank you Dr. Bailey. And miraculous emergency surgery; thank you Dr. Haque.

Yesterday was the three month mark.  About five months ago, the diagnosis of metastasized colon cancer and endometrial uterine cancer left me thinking the pearly gates loomed closer at hand.  And then there was miraculous chemotherapy; thank you Dr. Wilfong.  And miraculous naturopathic oncology; thank you Dr. Bailey.  And miraculous emergency surgery; thank you Dr. Haque.  

And then, a real live miracle, no colon cancer on the CT scan.  I want to report heaven on earth, rainbows and unicorns, listening to angelic music, eating grapes from the hands of hot… 

A lot of heavenly perfection plays out in each EARTHLY day.  Yesterday there were three rainbows.  Thursday the unicorns were running around in Reiki meditation.  Kwami unearths angelic music; we have been listening to the Ave Maria a lot this week.  

The colostomy is healed, and I have mastered the components, and learned patience, tolerance, and acceptance.  The bags and rings come in the mail.  I have sorted out the ordering process.  It is happenin’!

Internally, a lot of things have healed.  “Stuff” was removed in surgery, like lymph things, and appendix things, and huge chunk of colon things, and cyst and ovary things. Functionally, it works.  All of the necessary parts are doing what they are supposed to do.  They have rerouted and reconfigured, and the abdomen acts like a functionally healthy abdomen.

The liver, which had two kumquat sized masses, decided to let them go.  The lymph system, the parts that remain, also show no signs of cancer.   That is beautiful and appreciated and unbelievable

88. Abraham Hicks, Esther and Jerry Hick

You shouldn’t have to die to experience heaven, God, all that you are! We do have that happen. We do experience the moments of deep connection, deep love, deep Eternal knowledge.

This is an overzealous introduction to Abraham Hicks, and gives you a chance to put eyes on both Esther and Jerry Hicks.

So many years back, Severine (not to be mistaken with Christine’s husband, Severin) introduced me to their teachings.  I had a lot of doubts.  But Abraham is so funny and so accurate that I couldn’t hold my issues for long.  I was mesmerized by this unique way that God communicates with us, and I was challenged.  I was definitely challenged. 

Jerry croaked a while back.  Croaked is how Abraham addresses death, because death seems just too serious!  If you listen to them talk, you can research what is happening there and decide whether you can allow the magic of God to channel through in this way.  It does take a leap of faith.

Abraham says, “We want you to get into the Vortex…When you croak, in you go.  It’s so wonderful to watch you die, moving immediately into all you have become, all you have asked for.  But we don’t think you should have to croak in order to be in the Vortex’!!!

You shouldn’t have to die to experience heaven, God, all that you are!  We do have that happen.  We do experience the moments of deep connection, deep love, deep Eternal knowledge.  It would be amazing if we could get them to come together in succession and repetition until we were aware of our Oneness a large amount of the time.  What would the world be like?

Would it be like the Wee Free Men in Terry Pratchett’s book by that name?  Would we still run around killing, and drinking, stealing and wreaking havoc (but enjoying it thoroughly and understanding the value)?  Would we live the Zen peace of sitting in a field meditating and singing spiritual mantras?  Would it be individual and personal, to each piece of the oneness?  What a magnificent puzzle!  The only way to know is to try.  The only way to know is to take the great leap of “getting into the Vortex”. 

77. Teeth of Wisdom

The injections were so painful that I claimed that I felt nothing, and the tooth was pulled with my full awareness, and relief. Why do the shots hurt like an amputation?

I had my wisdom teeth removed back in the ’80’s.  They didn’t knock you out back then.  It was laughing gas and numbing.  My lower teeth were impacted, and my lower right is never numb, not really.  They did four injections.  The injections were so painful that I claimed that I felt nothing, and the tooth was pulled with my full awareness, and relief.  Why do the shots hurt like an amputation?

In my kids’ era, Max, Maia’s brother, was anesthetized for his teeth.  His brain works differently than the norm.  His body was out of the game.  But his awareness was not.  He heard and felt everything, and was unable to scream out, react, or give notice that he was experiencing it all.  Horrifying!

In the colon surgery, my anesthesia played the game the way of expectation.  I do not have memories of the surgery.  I was out.  But there is something that watched, some part of me that is very aware, that has memory of losing organs, of the words of the surgeon, of the drama of cocreating with a team of medical miracle makers in order to remain in this consciousness.  

The mind has to heal.  The heart has to heal.  There awareness must be acknowledged and tenderly assisted through its own pain. 

Wisdom teeth, they share the wisdom that will be valuable for a lifetime.

63. Paralysis

I would stare at the body from the eyes. I heard the message. I felt the cold. Minutes would pass. And sleep would come. And I would wake up, still cold, hearing the message. Sometimes motion would happen. Sometimes the paralysis.

Ya, no.  I was never paralyzed.  

There was this weird condition that I witnessed, especially in the first few days after surgery.  The body could disconnect from the instructions of the mind.

I’d be trekking around the race car loop, breaking the sound barrier with my speed (not).  I intentionally took enough laps that sleep came next.  I’d sit down in the chair, wide awake.  Then it hit.  My plan was to sleep.  The blanket was one inch from my side.  My mind was gentle, “Bring the blanket over your lower body”.  Maybe less formal than that.  “Grab the blanket.”

And nothing.  I would stare at the body from the eyes.  I heard the message.  I felt the cold.  Minutes would pass.  And sleep would come.  And I would wake up, still cold, hearing the message.  Sometimes motion would happen.  Sometimes the paralysis.  

It wasn’t just the blanket.  “Eat the applesauce.”  “Drink some water.”  Stillness.  No motion.  I have never watched that happen before.  Not consciously.

But what if it is always there for all of us?  What if that state of inaction is in each day of motion?  Could it be at fault for so many of our issues?  We know what to do, know how to do it.   But implementation is paralyzed.  

Stop going to Starbucks.  Change the way you manage money.  Eat the broccoli.  We hear the directives, and some element of consciousness is paralyzed from the next action.  “Grab the blanket.”  But I cannot.

31. Sound of the Universe

No one told me that the universe has a sound. I did not know.

The universe is high pitched today.  I remember when I first heard its sounds.  It woke me in the night.  I thought there was something wrong with the wires in the walls.  I pulled my pillow over my head.  I wanted to scream.  I woke over and over, night after night.  No one told me that the universe has a sound.  I did not know.

The Sound of the Universe here may refer to Schumann Resonance, and testifies to the author's acute perception.
Schumann Resonance, Courtesy of NASA

I usually ignore the thrum, or the squeal, or the om of it.  But I’m comforted to check in, to know it is still there, to be supported by the current of the Divine.

22. Let Them Truckers Roll

It’s a ’70 reference.  You probably were ‘yet to be born’.

I can remember a snippet of today’s dream.  Never before have I been two people and a watcher.  The watcher is the one that doesn’t have a body, that is just awareness.  It’s like being engrossed in the big screen, observing the events.  There is someone observing.  But we don’t put much thought into that form of self.  It’s always there.  Or, maybe, better said, it is always what we truly are.

Back in the dream, I was talking to someone, explaining something.  I appeared human, female, probably the me I know right now.

Michele-Plumb-Stowell-Let Them Trucks RollAnd I was looking at another form of me, a guy sitting in the driver’s seat of a still yet rumbling semi truck. I could see his/my left ear, and the buzz cut hair of the back left of his head, the semi’s rear view mirror, all far up from my vantage point on the ground.

The man had ribbon loops that mimicked children’s tree ornaments hung over that ear.  They dangled paper cut outs, art work, “earrings” his grandchildren hung, my grandchildren hung.

We’ve all laughed about dream interpretation.  A book on my shelf is notorious for presenting opposing views.  “X means that you should embrace change and move forward.  Alternatively, it may target you to be cautious and contemplate rather than take action at this time.”  I totally made that up, but it is accurate beyond laughter.

I looked up semi trucks on the internet.  That is even dicier than the book, because random folks write all kinds of nonsense and call it prophetic.  This is the one I choose for today, that feels accurate enough:  “You have size, largeness, and power and at the same time you will be burdened by your responsibility.”  (dream-meaning.net) No brainer.

And the earrings?  Because they are earrings, they speak of wealth, prosperity, and ancestry.  I love this, because the crafty grandkids spin this with longevity, adding the progeny element.  

Look to your layers.  Remember your watcher.  Focus on God in three persons.  It will all make sense some day.