148. How Great Thou Art

Through the woods, I hear the birds singing in the trees, see the brook and feel the breeze. How great Thou art!

For whatever reason, I don’t think the Catholic Church has used the song, How Great Thou Art, in music for the masses (pun intended).  I say that because when I woke up today the title line was humming through my head, and has continued to do so.  It sounds like this:  “How great Thou art, how great Thou art. Hum hum hum hum, hum hum hum hum hum hum, how great Thou art, how great Thou art.”  A pointed summary without supporting information.

Home Free – How Great Thou Art – Alvin e os Esquilos

I think of it as a funeral song.  It must be commonly chosen as such.  It isn’t very upbeat for the message of the lyrics.  If anyone wanted to use such a song at a wake party for me, they would need to sing it double time, and maybe use the Chipmunks’ lyrical style.  God is not a dirge.  God is the expression of all life.  

Oh.  I guess that does mean that God is a dirge, but so very much more, like the lyrics of the song.  Liberally and greatly synopsized from my google lyrics search:

In awesome wonder, I see the stars, I hear the thunder.

Through the woods, I hear the birds singing in the trees, see the brook and feel the breeze. 

How great Thou art!

Mix – How Great Thou Art – arr. Thomas Hazleton John Hong Organ Concert 20150620
YouTube

147. Zombie Storms and Zombie Forms

Naturally, being the year 2020, the news is reporting zombies. Not the undead human type, although nothing would surprise us. (Even the Pentagon and US Military releases of UFO material went virtually unnoticed.)

When I was a driving instructor, we would approach the vehicle. “Get in, lock the door, start the car.”  I repeated it every time, hundreds of times, thousands of times. The getaway plan. Drivers often looked over at me with curiosity.  “Zombies, there might be zombies.”  Laughter.  

I remember one student expressed, voice altered, “You’re scaring me.”  That was exactly what I was trying NOT to do.  The zombies were supposed to be fun.  The reasons you immediately lock yourself in and prepare to drive off quickly are rarely entertainment, and certainly not worthy of laughter.

Naturally, being the year 2020, the news is reporting zombies.  Not the undead human type, although nothing would surprise us. (Even the Pentagon and US Military releases of UFO material went virtually unnoticed.)  

Zombie Storms.  They have lived among us.  But now they have a name worthy of the year.  The storm dies down… only to rise again and wreak more havoc.

A UW student assisted at my wound care appointment yesterday.  She is nearing graduation from her program.  She measured for Nancy.  Seven and a half centimeters.  Nancy asked me to repeat the surgery date.  I didn’t remember.  May 17.  Nearing four and a half months ago.  

Nancy explained the possible suture theory to the student.  If my body does hate sutures, they should be fully dissolved in the next month or two.  Then the wound could magically be dead, or undead.  Or dead undead?  Be able to heal.  Zombie wound. 

146. Awake for the Sunrise, and Ostomy Fun

A nurse in the hospital (after surgery) told me to empty the bag when it is one third full. That is equivalent to saying “Eat a third of the bowl of ice cream, and wrap the rest for later”, or in a less polite tone, “Poop a sixth of a bowel movement, then wipe, flush and walk away.”

The title should be in reverse.  I am awake for an ostomy blow out. The sunrise will be an added benefit, as it will appear long before I finish typing.

No worries on the ostomy bag failure, if you are sending empathy; the ramifications were minimal.

Sometimes there is too much air (gas) in the ostomy bag, making it fill like a balloon.  In the daytime, it is totally noticeable, mainly because I am awake.  Anyone would notice that a balloon was tucked in along the waistline of her pants.  When sleeping, it is different. 

Ostomy bags are flexible.  They move and adjust.  They are resilient and squishable without explosion, to a super high level of pressure really!  It is difficult to imagine the process of the design and experimentation in this field.  I am grateful for those who were in the bowel filled trenches, exploring new territory as necessity.

So, when sleeping, the ostomy bag can fill with gas or material, or more naturally both, and go unnoticed.  A nurse in the hospital (after surgery) told me to empty the bag when it is one third full.  That is equivalent to saying “Eat a third of the bowl of ice cream, and wrap the rest for later”, or in a less polite tone, “Poop a sixth of a bowel movement, then wipe, flush and walk away.”  

The feasibility and frequency required in that statement makes me ponder.  How, 20 year old medical assistant girl, would you know?  Do you have any personal experience whatsoever?  Once you were trained to attach and detach an ostomy bag (something a Kindergartner could do), were you also told to interview 100 users for experience related and situational knowledge?  Perhaps.  Doubtful.

Short story turned exceptionally long, I woke up.  I was aware that I needed to allow air to escape from the bag.  While in the process of cooperation, the circular tupperware seal against my body opened from the combined pressure of the air and my work to release it through the flange (yes, I definitely googled that.  The velcro closure is apparently called a flange).

It was not messy.  It just meant I went through the multi step process of changing out the entire set up, something that probably takes ten minutes, but I will exaggerate and say 20 because I was still half asleep.  For the record, I could have attempted to reattach the old bag (risking seal ooze, really not an option in my book), or I could have just replaced the bag alone in this particular case.  

But today was scheduled for a change anyhow.  I usually go for a new operation every third day, because the seal to my body degrades where there is a natural bend by my belly button. 

At any rate, the whole ostomy experience is no more trouble and no more mess than normal, youthful female endeavors.  Different challenges, but entirely similar ramifications.  And now I am awake (pun intended).

The dark, blue-gray skyline faded.  The shadows of the tree line became evident, and slowly the color of the branches brightened to hues of green and black. The tones of the heavens met the mental lethargy of society, as the rain pounded the rooftop and the winds whipped the chimes, music filling the morning air.  Blessed new day!

145. In the Eye of the Dragonfly

“…Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock. I seek strength, not to be greater than my friend, but to fight my greatest enemy, myself. So when my life fades, as the fading sunset, may my spirit come to you without shame.” (Lakota Chief Yellow Lark)

Walking toward the pond on the Wetland Trail, you will find a handful of peaceful experiences in the Earth Sanctuary.  Several rock sculptures greet you on the travels toward the Labyrinth.  After winding through the twists and turns of the salal web, focusing on your spiritual contemplation, you might then meander down to the Spirit Rock, removing your shoes and stepping to the edge of the pond for a prayer.

Michele meditating in the labyrinth at the Earth Sanctuary, Langley, WA

We read one together.  “…Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.  I seek strength, not to be greater than my friend, but to fight my greatest enemy, myself.   So when my life fades, as the fading sunset, may my spirit come to you without shame.” (Lakota Chief Yellow Lark)

Blue-eyed Darner dragonfly (Aeshna multicolor) male.  Pacific Northwest.  Summer.  .
Blue-eyed Darner dragonfly (Aeshna multicolor) male. Pacific Northwest. Summer.

I have been seeing dragonflies, not as visions, but in life.  They come toward me in parking lots, soar by in the backyard.  A dragonfly art print hung from the wall of the Airbnb.  A pillow on the bed was adorned with a colorful, oversized version.

And then, in prayer, we stood face to face with the biblical symbol of transformation and renewal.  It was the Equinox.  The insect hovered in front of us, flew a few loops, and hovered again.  She was alert, watching, listening, a part of the prayer.  Balance, renewal.  I think there may be a theme emerging!  

Let the games begin.  I am ready to leave the last six months behind.  We all are.  So much gratitude to the dragonfly for delivering the message of the Eternal!

144. Which Tree Should It Be?

If you visit the Earth Sanctuary, and walk along the edges of the ponds, look up the hill to the other side. There is a cedar there. You might have to search for a moment or two. You will find it, the one that is perfect, the one that reminds you that I am present in the universe… with you, now, and forever. Just be still. And know…

I really should visit more often.  The location of the Earth Sanctuary is somewhere between Langley and Freeland, maybe 15 minutes from the Clinton Ferry Terminal.

Let Peace Prevail on Earth wooden poster at the Earth Sanctuary, Langley, WA.
At the Earth Sanctuary, Langley, WA.

I love a good ride on the ferry, although it’s a bit creepy these days with no Titanic moments on the upper deck, and the inner benches half barricaded by red caution tape.  

Maybe some other year or some other lifetime, I will make it an intention to venture on biweekly day trips.  The yearly pass for the Sanctuary is only $35.  The Ferry would be the biggest expense. There is a cafe nearby that creates incredible avocado toast.  Definitely a trifecta of amazingness.

As we wandered the woods of the Earth Sanctuary, I was immersed in the experience of woodland scents and sounds.  But my eyes would strategically drift away, searching.  Which tree should it be?  Where would I want my ashes to be dispersed?  It sounds morbid. It was not.

The obvious choice, a cedar tree, left a lot of options.  Certainly, the Earth Sanctuary houses far more deciduous trees than evergreens at this moment, but there is still a plethora of cedar to choose from.

In the first day of autumn outlook, I could see that many cedars overlook the ponds.  Which one is the right one? 

If you visit the Earth Sanctuary, and walk along the edges of the ponds, look up the hill to the other side.  There is a cedar there.  You might have to search for a moment or two.  You will find it, the one that is perfect, the one that reminds you that I am present in the universe… with you, now, and forever. Just be still.  And know…

141. Skipping Town, Whidbey Island

Whidbey Island is a place where the Sani cans are clean, where the rabbits run free, and where the firefighters post enormous signs on huge trucks reading “Ditch Mitch, Dump Trump” on one side, and “Firefighters for Biden” on the other. The island is a place where people actually do live on island time, sipping lattes in the courtyards, chatting with their elderly friends.

We set sail via ferry to the Isle of Whidbey.  The stuffed Jesus doll that accompanies me on all of my major adventures (a gift from Barb when I was having surgery) jumped out for a photo shot with a life ring.  Saving lives with Jesus!  Luckily, no one went overboard.

White and green Whidbey Island Ferry on Puget Sound
Whidbey Island Ferry, Washington State

Nancy, the wound nurse, had instructed me, “do something spontaneous”.  The wound vacuum machine proved an abysmal failure, and with it off of my body, a quick escape option opened up.  A couple days on the island created a lot of opportunity.

I forget how “quick and easy” it is to hop over to another world.  Whidbey Island is a place where the Sani cans are clean, where the rabbits run free, and where the firefighters post enormous signs on huge trucks reading “Ditch Mitch, Dump Trump” on one side, and “Firefighters for Biden” on the other.  The island is a place where people actually do live on island time, sipping lattes in the courtyards, chatting with their elderly friends.

The tiny home, our Airbnb, was set in a field that was surrounded by forest.  One evening, we were greeted by a four point buck, much taller than the car, and not too concerned about our presence on his driveway.  No one was too concerned with our presence, honestly, or we with theirs.

Beaches, and forests, and small town shops are just what the doctor ordered.  Literally.

138. Just Dump the Body

Although “dump the body” sounds like a movie line, that is about the exact amount of caring that I have about the remains of my earthly dwelling place. Cremate me and dump the body.

The wound is not healing.  It impressively went to a verified four centimeter depth (or lack of depth) on Tuesday, and was back to seven again today, Friday.  Regardless of how many times I ask “What else can I do?”, and get the answer, “You are doing it all”, I know there is a missing piece.

Something hidden needs to be healed.  Something else needs to be completed.  Where are the loose ends?  What bows need tying?  Completion.

The wound vac is off.  I am cordless and empowered!  The skin around the wound is dancing with joy (as it hated the wound vac and spent the entire time covered in rashy boils).  Today I can feel its joy.

After a few tears of exasperation, I pushed a bit of completion.  

Nyasha and Conrad legally witnessed my signature on Death with Dignity paperwork, that will likely be round filed because of my longevity.  I called and left a message for Julie that it’s in the mail.  Check.

And I booked a trip to Whidbey Island, another visit to the Earth Sanctuary and Langley, before my next wound packing appointment.  In checking whether Earth Sanctuary has full access during Covid 19, I made an amazing discovery, my final resting place.

Although “dump the body” sounds like a movie line, that is about the exact amount of caring that I have about the remains of my earthly dwelling place.  Cremate me and dump the body.  

Earth Sanctuary provides the perfect ground… and they will mix the ashes with appropriate soil, and either sculpt me in to the spiritual nature preserve, or accompany those of you who want to add me to the ambiance!  This is exciting.  Another big box CHECKED.

137. Morris, the Flame Point Siamese

I don’t have loving memories of Morris (other than his acquisition), but I did love and protect him. I watch people live human interactions that are similar, a beautiful and tricky start, and then a tortured, painful, even abused existence. Take them back to the shelter. Leave them where you acquired them. Lick your wounds and move on.

There are several reasons that I am telling pet stories like that of Morris, the flame point Siamese cat from hell.  Each tale has underlying wisdom, but also, each pet brings different forms of rapid growth to our life journey.  Animals add an exaggerated statement to our days, maybe because of the depth of emotional attachment, because of the intensity in which they live in the moment, and because we live so much longer and thereby watch the process of birth to death with connection and responsibility through our hairy counterparts.  

Sometimes they bring goodness.  Mostly.  It was questionable with Morris.

When we went to PAWS to adopt a cat, Morris climbed from the heights of the climbers onto my shoulder. He rubbed his head against my cheeks, wrapped his body around my neck. He was sweet and snuggly, and particularly vocal.  I had my heart set on a kitten, but Morris convinced me otherwise.  It was a ruse.

flame point siamese cat on white table

Morris, the Flame Point Siamese

 He continued with kindness for a certain waiting period, like there was a warrantee, or a return policy.  And then… all hell broke loose.  Morris was a Siamese cat, the beautiful cream and orange type.  He was a screamer, and worse, a deviant from the gods of the underworld.

When I look at my arms, the scars remain.  Morris didn’t teach me lessons to live by.  He taught me to love unconditionally while being abused.  I often asked Mom why they didn’t take him back.  My guess is that the child me would not let that happen!  But it should have.

Morris would lie in wait.  One of his favorite tricks was to stalk us in the dark.  When we went for a glass of water in the night, he would pounce from a dark corner, grip the upper thigh with his front feet, and kick with the back legs, claws extended.

He adored a loving victim.  Dee, the neighbor, knew his tricks.  But Morris would yowl and wrap himself around her legs, and beg so convincingly until she finally fell for it.  She would reach down, and he grabbed that hand with his teeth.  Blood was the goal and he rarely failed.

Morris was a horrible fighter too.  He and the neighbor cat had territory wars that resulted in repeated abscess treatments, which brought on more blood letting from the one who was rendering the medical treatment.

One day, I jumped in the middle of the feline turf wars.  My left arm was in a sling for a week, and my current scars show the punctures from the top two canine teeth, and the long gashes from lower as the bite closed.

I don’t have loving memories of Morris (other than his acquisition), but I did love and protect him.  I watch people live human interactions that are similar, a beautiful and tricky start, and then a tortured, painful, even abused existence.  Take them back to the shelter.  Leave them where you acquired them.  Lick your wounds and move on.  It’s so easy to say, and so hard to do.

135. English Bull Dogs

The mudroom is full of pictures, posters and Bull Dog paraphernalia.  When I moved into my parents’ house, I collected it there.  Last week, one of the appliance delivery men commented.  And so I told the story.

Before I was born, Mom and Dad were on the dog show circuit.  I have no idea what dog they were showing, because they never owned a quality English Bull Dog, but they spent time with Ward and Pat Williams who raised the pups. Grandma and Grandpa Plumb had one too, Wrinkle Puss.  

Welcome to the mud room

If we dig deep enough, there are pictures of me, the baby, in the dog crate at a show.  I was told, it was the safest space; the dog wouldn’t allow anyone near me.  Ironic devotion, English Bull Dogs are gentle and kind by nature.  Smelly.  Also pretty aromatic by nature.

We grew up with two dogs, Tuffy and Wiz. They had paper names too, Friar Tuck and Williams Was Her Name.  They were mostly stubborn, known for ignoring what they were told to do.  I can remember them tugging at the leashes in public.  The real reason for the fence around the yard was these two.  

One of the posters in the mud room

Tuffy went missing.  There was a lot of confusion and tension as Dad searched and searched.  There was no sign of escape from the yard, so the dog had to be somewhere nearby, still confined, but how was it possible?   As they called and listened, there was a snuffling.  It was a snuffling from INSIDE of a cedar stump.  Tuffy had climbed the stump, and fallen into the burned out center!  The best and the brightest.

Another dog picture in the mud room.