48. Book Drop

Do you ever open a book for insight, just grab it, crack it, read?  My mentoring group has a book called “The Medicine Woman Inner Guidebook” by Carol Bridges.  A few days ago, I just opened to a page.  Wow!  (Page 93)  “SUNSET: Transformation, death, The ride through the dessert toward the setting sun.”  

Terry Pratchett has a lot of his characters cross the black dessert with the book character Death, as they transition to the next step.

Sharing this could be like the “book club” journey.  We haven’t started Stephen Levine’s book yet.  I imagine there will be similarities.

Carol writes, “Affirmation: I accept the changes that will come through higher states of consciousness. All change works to bring about my freedom and my good. I let go and I am free.”

This reminds me of my diagnosis, and the quick acceptance my processing centers had with accepting death.  It was like a quick re calibration.  It was not difficult or painful.  In fact, there was an ease and a relief to realizing that there is a marker.  An ending.  A new birth.

I believe there was always an impending death day, that it has been the same one, will be the same one that was marked by that Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresence that is science/God/spirituality/Universe. 

In this knowing, I feel release.  I feel acceptance.  I notice the ability to see beauty in everything that sucks, or, rather that there is nothing wrong going in this world.  We can all open our eyes to it.  Small things.  Big honors, like family and friends.  It surrounds us.  “I let go and I am free.”

38. Accept and Connect

“Allow me to relate to every circumstance and person with love and acceptance. Allow me to feel the shivers down my spine or the body and mind sensations I relate to being connected to All That Is. Allow the hum of the universe to ring in my ears.”

My prayers are simple.  “May I accept what is.  May I be aware of my connection.”  

It’s boiled down to that as my mind has worked to control thought in meditation.  Of course I have looked at all of the logical wishes for the genie in the bottle.  But prayers with specific goals are not prayers at all.  Source doesn’t care what we want.  God doesn’t alter its path because our individuality wishes it so.  The Eternal stands rigidly in being unending, constant, creative, loving vastness.  Omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence.

May I accept what is:  Anything else is a battle.  Anything else is suffering; I am not suffering!

May I be aware of my connection:  I can think in specifics here, although I never have.  What evolves without words would break down to this.  “Allow my senses to be aware of all that is perfect and beautiful around me.  Allow me to relate to every circumstance and person with love and acceptance.  Allow me to feel the shivers down my spine or the body and mind sensations I relate to being connected to All That Is. Allow the hum of the universe to ring in my ears.”

May I accept what is. May I be aware of my connection.

29. Echo

Gurgling intestines.  Movement in the lower abdomen. Energy focusing to the area of the liver, the area of the masses… Fear?

A photo of a child full of fear describes how the author feels about her pain.
Fear from the pain of cancer is like a child full of fear

In the last day, a reminder, an echo, is passing through my body.  The mind sees the similarities between the current body and the moments or days before I went to the hospital.  It is not classic pain.  I do not perceive most of the body interpretations as pain, not how people would think of it.

But it is a noticing.  Our bodies are designed to react like this.  If I put my hand on the hot stove one time, and suffered a burn, the body sends out a warning plea whenever I am near a hot stove.  It means nothing.  But there is a perception, a fear.  

Fear is a child.  It needs love.  It needs comfort.  It needs to be acknowledged and reminded that all is well in God’s Eternal realm.  The journey is unfolding.  All is well.

7. Go Deep

Wherever my consciousness may be, it is in the perfection of the Divine plan.

Today, the page of The Medicine Woman Inner Guidebook (Carol Bridges) that opened is called “The Exemplar of Bowls: Ever-Deepening Love”.  It is everything one would dream it might be.  Do I need permission to just do and be what I “feel like” right now?

The book just spews endless wonderful quotes. “I have given to all who were young on their road to understanding.  I have shared all of my knowledge, my poetry, all of my heart’s expression.  I have loved deeply and long… When you are lost, I will point the way and let you know you have the feet to walk the road alone.”  

I hope beyond hope I have been there for you.  If anything has changed on the planet, I hope that you have found some form of support, inspiration, laughter, or drive from my presence.  And if not, the good news is I will be with you until the end of time, backing you up, crying your tears and illuminating the way for your dreams and potential.

The words in the lesson resound as appropriate too:  “It is time for you to settle back and integrate your love experiences. Count your blessings.  Bless others with your presence… Your service to others is as natural as breathing… The full thrust of your life now goes toward your devotion to higher being… For all love given, love returns.”  I feel this completely in every moment.  Wherever my consciousness may be, it is in the perfection of the Divine plan.