77. Teeth of Wisdom

The injections were so painful that I claimed that I felt nothing, and the tooth was pulled with my full awareness, and relief. Why do the shots hurt like an amputation?

I had my wisdom teeth removed back in the ’80’s.  They didn’t knock you out back then.  It was laughing gas and numbing.  My lower teeth were impacted, and my lower right is never numb, not really.  They did four injections.  The injections were so painful that I claimed that I felt nothing, and the tooth was pulled with my full awareness, and relief.  Why do the shots hurt like an amputation?

In my kids’ era, Max, Maia’s brother, was anesthetized for his teeth.  His brain works differently than the norm.  His body was out of the game.  But his awareness was not.  He heard and felt everything, and was unable to scream out, react, or give notice that he was experiencing it all.  Horrifying!

In the colon surgery, my anesthesia played the game the way of expectation.  I do not have memories of the surgery.  I was out.  But there is something that watched, some part of me that is very aware, that has memory of losing organs, of the words of the surgeon, of the drama of cocreating with a team of medical miracle makers in order to remain in this consciousness.  

The mind has to heal.  The heart has to heal.  There awareness must be acknowledged and tenderly assisted through its own pain. 

Wisdom teeth, they share the wisdom that will be valuable for a lifetime.

15. Insights

A couple of months ago, I accepted death.  And then, I have been told to accept life.  Both.  Here and now.  I’m gonna die, eventually, some day.  It might be a surprise a couple of weeks from now.  It might be a miraculous decade or more away.  But it will be right, on God’s terms, on Universal principle… not in my time, not my decision.  And I will always be one with the earth, one with you, Divinely available forever.

This week, a vision keeps popping up.  I am inside of a mountain, looking out.  There have been a lot of earthy pictures in my head. 

But spiritually, I have loved deserting this world for higher planes.  Friends used to say that “I need to ground”.  What that means is that it isn’t good to fully leave this world for the God realm (like where meditation can take a person, becoming an addiction to God focus) without bringing it back into this one.  Over a decade ago, it was difficult for me to pick the human world over the space of realization.  I preferred to be in that fuzzy, soft, unconditional love space that I had found within myself.

There was kick back!  My feet slammed to the earth with a divorce and all that came with it.  My balance was forced, and then tipped back to earth based reality.  But you can’t really remove awareness and realization.  What has been seen cannot be unseen.  I would say that it can feel like God deserted you, or that you are starting back at the beginning on that seeking quest.

The cancer has been a gift, like it took the earth base away, and opened my eyes.  And this week has brought the rock, the inside of the mountain, me looking out of the mountain, an integral part of the earth itself.  Balance.