46. Don’t Hold Your Tongue

People are looking at their own mortality. If Covid-19 didn’t already bring in the uncertainty of human life, seeing that people are dying quickly around us, knowing that I have a limited number of days left has brought it to light


One of things that I have appreciated about everyone is that you have been very open, honest, and willing to ask questions.  Oh my god… and share your personal experiences of what this has brought up within you!

Don’t hold your tongue.  Share anything.  Ask me anything.  I haven’t found an area where I am unwilling to share, but I also feel like I can tell you that I will get back to you on something later, or just that I don’t want to go there.  Sometimes I don’t know an answer or haven’t looked within in an area that you question, so you help me grow.  

thank you signage

Beautiful words of gratitude flood my world, words coming to me from others.  Thank you!

There are common threads.  

People are reliving their own cancer experiences or health struggles.  I am certainly looking at the people in my life who have had this challenge!  

People are looking at their own mortality.  If Covid 19 didn’t already bring in the uncertainty of human life, seeing that people are dying quickly around us, knowing that I have a limited number of days left has brought it to light.  It’s never a bad idea to look at the technical side, quickly jot down a will, power of attorney, medical power of attorney, and get them notarized. (I can share formats!) And then move to the spiritual.  Or do it simultaneously, better.  We all have a limited number of days; we always had a limited number of days    .  I am the lucky one, because it clarifies the vastness for me, and thins the veil.  There isn’t an end.  There is no death.

Some people have looked closely at their connections, relationships, their own needs that will not be met if my body cuts out and they only have my soul to work with.  You can’t get rid of me.  The connection and assistance cannot go away.  But noticing how we rely on one another, and how ego wants it a certain way, is a great spiritual work.  Know thyself.

I think I see a lot of folks embracing helplessness too.  They express it.  They offer to do whatever I could wish, whatever they can.  It is so beautiful!  I can just cry about the outpouring of love that I receive every single day.  And that’s about all anyone can do for me right now.  I live a normal life with a lot of doctor appointments… but the doctor appointments take less time than work did!  The oncologist repeats “no limits”, so I live limitless, normal, super hero normal. It’s a vacation life.  I am having a lot of fun!

Appreciation is another theme.  Beautiful words of gratitude flood my world, words coming to me from others.  Thank you!  And that can’t help but ooze out in all of our visions, to those around us, for their gifts and contributions too.  It’s eye opening.

We are in this life together.  Whatever paradigm you picture, our interweaving, ongoing existence is undeniable.  Ask questions. Speak the words.  Share your experiences. We are growing side by side.  And we are the change the world is looking for, the healing of all that is.

33. Naked

I see myself as the elephant. People hold various parts and describe truths of how I appear in the world. But each evolving picture can only reference its own experience and interpretation. I stand naked.

Kwami is circling the wagons, all of the people of contact, all of the mutuality of paths and cross connection, all of the realization that we live elements of one life… I stand naked.

DeeDee asked if the unfolding felt comfortable, if I am okay with opening the journey to others in a group.  I wondered why it could be an issue.  I tend to believe that I am straightforward and honest, that what you see is who I truly am (in this character).  Right now, the reality is unveiling itself.  I stand naked.

The story of the blind men and the elephant comes to mind.  Google it if you don’t know it by heart.  I synopsize it like this:  There is an elephant.  A bunch of blind guys are touching the elephant.  One holds the tail, another strokes the ear, yet another hugs an enormous leg, and so on.  The men are then asked to describe the pachyderm.  Ya, not similar descriptions, not similar at all.

The blind men and the elephant
(wall relief in Northeast Thailand)
The blind men and the elephant
(wall relief in Northeast Thailand)

So now I see myself as the elephant.  People hold various parts and describe truths of how I appear in the world.  But each evolving picture can only reference its own experience and interpretation.  I stand naked.  Luckily what you are holding is a toe, ’cause the options get dicey!

With the creation of a group, there is creation of cross referencing and hearing about other parts of who I have been or am.  There are spaces and places that some have never considered, that just haven’t come up, that you just don’t know about me because, well, why would you?  I’m on that pyramid, staff in hand, I stand naked.  

So there is an odd discomfort.  You have been holding my toe, and now you will have to consider that I have a nose (and there are boogers in there).  And I have a plastic port for chemo under the skin on my chest, and it has left scars.  And my feet stand apart from one another and hold me firmly to the ground, but as you hold my toe, did you know I had feet?  And my spirituality runs an undercurrent that overwhelms the moon and stars, and makes my brain spin, and my body shiver with Kundalini energy.  And I use the bathroom.  And in honesty, I dislike the flavor of peppers.  There is a lot of elephant.  And I stand naked.