Stepping into the world of an eleven day retreat, the first adventure was looking into what is calling me. Scattered. Completion. Healing. Those were not the words that popped out of my pen.
Isolating down to two or three words sounds simple enough. But soothing the monkey mind, that is not a simple task.
Emergence. Grace. It boiled down to those two. When I looked at them with scrutiny, I felt nervous. Those are words that speak to either realm, the staying on the planet realm, or the moving on to other levels realm.
I don’t want to commit to dying soon.
I don’t want to commit to NOT dying soon. I’m trying to stay flexible… emergence, grace. There is a Divine flexibility built into that focus, into those words.
I am on the last days of the fifth chemotherapy cycle; tomorrow begins cycle six. It will be the third of the fall set. On the weekend after the third spring cycle, my colon perforated, and an emergency surgery left me without several organs, and with a new ostomy.
This coming weekend will be an anniversary of sorts, my body repeating the experience of three sets of chemotherapy, and the ramifications. Prayerfully, just a mental thing, something to live beyond.