118 My Surprising Fear of Living

I was going to die. Although that seems like another area where it is easy to filter out the facts of the matter, the “going to die” part was the least of my worries.

I suppose anyone who allowed herself to become truly aware of the realities of life would have fear of living.  The world is cold and harsh.  There are a lot of demands on a human, just for the basics of existence.  It appears that we usually apply a lot of filters to ignore the facts.

I was going to die.  Although that seems like another area where it is easy to filter out the facts of the matter, the “going to die” part was the least of my worries.  My focus was on getting material endeavors handled, and, the priority, settling the energies around my homies, family, friends, all of the people in my world.  Share enough love in the shortest time.  Express the appreciation for all of you. Unfinished.  Probably never finished.

But what if I live?  With the change in the colon cancer, there may be more time.  It’s like refacing the challenges of the young adult.  Where will I live?  How will I ever earn enough money to recoup my losses and actually support myself?  And long life is a financial horror.  

This is a web of terror.  It looms near every unsuspecting human, waiting for a tug at the strand, and then the spider of fear dashes through the strands for the attack.  We end up wrapped in the silk, cocooned, struggling against the unknown… the unlikely.

Death WILL come.  But life is utterly frightening.