I was talking to Amy about the medical story, about how I feel as if I am in a whirlpool. I go around again and again, but there is no advancement in my position. I am stuck, yet I am moving.
At the wound appointment this week, the wound measurement moved a half centimeter. Pathetically, that is less than a quarter inch. Honestly, they don’t even measure to that distance of accuracy. Flesh moves around. And there is no consistency in the position I am in when it is measured. Futile. Until it is a few centimeters difference, the measurement game is just that, a game.
Apparently, some bodies don’t like sutures. If that is the case, the body fights the stitches like they are the enemy. The wound won’t heal until the sutures dissolve. It takes four to six months before they do that, completely dissolve. I am hoping that my body despises stitches. It sounds like an easy solution. The surgery was May 17, four months ago!
So, when the kids were teenagers, Wild Waves had a ride where you sat in an inner tube. There were several pools connected by waterfall slides. The tube would be in the whirling pool, and the water would catch the tube and take it over the slide to the next pool, eventually. Sometimes there was extra whirling around.
We passed through three together. At that point, the group of kids shot out of the pool, and continued down to the next and the next. Meanwhile, I was looping around again and again. Every time I came near the slide, the water would move my tube quickly past and take a different person. It was a looooong time. The teens were bored at the bottom. They went back to the line, passing me as they walked up the hill to the top. And then they passed me again in the ride, as I swirled around in that same crazy pool. Nyasha said, “You have to be more aggressive.”
After a few more loops, I finally stood up with my tube and walked to the slide, and forced myself over the falls.
My mind is crazy with aggression. It wants a way to force the healing of the wound. Pushing 20 supplements a day, so much protein consumption I feel like a rapid carnivore, green smoothies, a wound pump. What more? I swirl round and round and round and round.